My best friend and love passed away from cancer in April after a bitter struggle. I did all I could for him to go in peace, surrounded by love. Everyone is unique and deals with the loss of a loved one differently. Now for me, the hardest part is when my mind runs wild with all the “what if’s,” especially at night. I’ve found that keeping my mind busy either with work, reading entertaining books or watching shows, until I can’t keep my eyes open any longer, helps me not go down that depressing path. Ending my night with something positive or funny is always good too. Being creative also brings me peace. As long as I’m concentrating on something, I’m not dwelling on the past or feeling sorry for myself.
I try to write my feelings down sometimes, just so that I can get the feelings out. Many times I go back and delete it later but that is me. Just writing it and trying to put what I feel into words is cathartic. When something triggers a memory and the tears start to flow, I let them come. As the grief washes over me, I know that it is only for that moment. Then I dry my tears and get up to do something else.
I try to find happiness around me in the small things…
A child’s laugh
Kindness from a stranger
The amazingness of nature
Watch a hummingbird fly (they are so fierce yet so fragile)
A hug from a friend
A song that makes me want to dance or sing along
Something that makes me laugh
Doing something for someone else that makes them smile
Driving anywhere with the music turned up really loud
Talking to people
There is no right or wrong way to deal with grief. I think of the millions of people who have lived through horrible loss and somehow they manage, until it’s their turn to leave this world. This isn’t my first loss and I’m sure it won’t be the last either. I can survive. I also hope that something good can come out of something bad. Maybe my loss can help others someway. All I know is I will never forget the good or bad times or the friendship and love we had, as it is part of who I am now.